By Cally Logan, Crosswalk.com
Break ups are never easy, but often times the hardest part of a breakup is knowing when to call it quits.
It is not always as simple as big red flags or it plainly written in the sky, but it is helpful when to recognize signs that the relationship you are in may not be God’s best.
Through prayer, discernment, and really taking an honest look at your relationship you may find the answer is clearer than you originally thought.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/fizkes
1. You Always Argue
Arguments happen and at times disagreements or serious conversations about an issue can actually help a relationship thrive when they are carried out in a productive and healthy manner.
If you find that you are constantly arguing it could be a sign that there is something is wrong on a deeper level. If you feel you are constantly “walking on eggshells” or there is a constant fear of triggering a fight, that is no way to go on living.
Constant disagreements can be indicative that the relationship is more toxic than it is beneficial. Often times the “fun” or light-heartedness may have waned as well. With any relationship, there will be seasons of a more serious position, and it cannot always be peaches and cream, but ongoing complete absence of joy, fun, or being able to be light-hearted can take a toll on you mentally as well.
Take a clear outside view if a relationship where you are constantly fighting is really worth fighting for.
2. You Limit Eachother's Growth with God
The most important relationship you will ever have is your relationship with the Lord, and your partner should be someone who helps encourage you in your walk with Christ. Ecclesiastes 4 shares how, “two are better than one, for if one falls the other can help him up.”
Such words proclaim the intention and root of a good relationship of helping one another grow towards Christ a pend in life in general. Walking with the Lord is a journey, but if you are finding you stifle each other in your individual strides with God, or even deter a walk with the Lord in general it can be a marker to consider dissolving the relationship with each other.
Seek the Lord and inquire to Him what you should do, for He knows what is best for you. He may have a different route for you with someone else that will be equally yoked with you (2 Corinthians 6). Ask Him to make it clear what His desire is for you romantically, and you will not live to regret following His direction.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Deagreez
3. You Feel Manipulated or Pressured
Pressure and manipulation are toxic traits, but at times they can be subtle, or hard to detect if you have become conditioned and used to the behaviors.
Many times, when someone is being manipulated they will not even come to realize it, because it has become so much the norm of their everyday life dating someone. Sharing with a therapist about the details of a relationship, or really taking an outward look can help perspectives, but often if you have a feeling you are being manipulated, you are.
It does not mean that the other person is a bad person, but it can mean that continuing in a connection with them is not nourishing to your own mental well-being. Remember that you have a voice in your own life, and even if you have been seeing this person for an extended period of time you do not owe them to the point where it becomes harmful to your mental and spiritual status.
Be mindful if there is an excessive amount of pressure placed upon you as well. Depending on the situation pressure is not always a bad thing, but if it crosses boundaries or comfortable borders that is not respectful to you as a person.
Consult the Lord and godly counsel, but also trust your inner feelings of what is acceptable and what is not.
4. You Keep Breaking Up
If you have broken up previously just to find yourself back together, or if it becomes a boomerang type of relationship where you are together and then broken up again it could imply signs of toxicity. We often find ourselves in moments of weakness or impulsive behavior and we say things we do not really mean, causing a break, but there are other times where we make a decisive and thought-out break for a reason.
Coming back together again can be the result of manipulation or unhealthy soul ties, not genuine reconciliation. In my own experience when I was in a relationship where we broke up for a period of time and came back together, at first it felt like putting on a pair of old leather shoes, but not long after I recalled how there were indeed holes in the bottoms of those soles.
Just because something is familiar does not mean that it is a good fit. Consider the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and do not return out of loneliness, fear, or pure nostalgia.
Photo Credit: ©Thinkstock
5. No Peace
Have you spent nights toiling in anxiety over this relationship? If so, perhaps God is allowing this unrest for a reason.
Nighttime is generally when our minds can slow down and contemplate or decipher things because we do not have the distractions occurring during the day. This can be a place where instead of tossing and turning over the decision to end things in your own strength you go before the Lord in prayer.
Remember that God is the God of peace, not of confusion, and He will graciously give wisdom to those who seek Him (James 1). Through prayer and the seeking of the Lord His Spirit can provide understanding and clarity beyond anything we can even hope to accomplish in our own strength.
6. You Feel God Ending Things
Wisely shared in Job 42 is the truth of, “I know that You can do all things, no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.” The meaning behind this is often we think a relationship or path should go in a certain way, but in reality, God has a purpose that supersedes our understanding in the present time.
God may be placing on your heart or bringing to the surface nudges or leading that a relationship should come to an end. If He is doing so, believe that His purposes for such motivation carries a specific reasoning. Believe that God intends His best for His children, and at times we do not always understand the why behind His intentions, but in time it will be made clear.
Pray and ask God to reveal to you clearly and plainly what His best is, so that you in turn do not waste any more time or energy.
A Prayer for Discernment
We know that You are all knowing and sovereign above all things. Father, we know that in our own strength and flesh we can often have such a short view or comprehension of what is best for us, whereas You can see the whole picture and know fully what in time will prove to be the best route for us. Lord, even if it means we must be patient we seek to follow Your lead in obedience rather than squander time in our own folly. We come before You asking for wise discernment in our own lives. Please make it clear to our hearts what Your will and what Your best is, and help us to follow Your lead in obedience. We know that obedience is a form of worship to You, and Lord we pray for Your Spirit to enable us and indwell within us to make choices that follow Your will, not the will of our flesh. We thank You for wisdom, clarity, discernment, and direction.
In Jesus Name,
Guideposts or flashing lights may not always appear when the questioning to continue in a relationship or not arises. Taking a good assessment of the relationship, seeking godly counsel, and richly going in prayer with an open mind and heart to what His answer will be are vital in knowing how to act.
Consider the points mentioned, but mainly be open to what God may do through His answer to you. Give Him your, “yes” and believe that, either way it goes, your obedience will be matched with blessing.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Tommaso79