New Life LIVE: September 29, 2026

Announcer: Welcome to the New Life Live podcast. We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God's word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let's go to today's episode.
Brian Perez: Hello and welcome to another episode of New Life Live. I'm your host, Brian Perez. We're going to be in the studio for two hours today. We'd love to hear from you and help you walk through whatever it is that you're facing. 1-800-229-3000 is our number. Clinical psychologist Dr. Jill Hubbard and licensed marriage and family therapist Chris Williams are going to be here these two hours. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call. Chris Williams is here and I have a feeling I know what he's going to talk about. Chris, what is it?
Chris Williams: All right, confession time with Chris. Here we go. Chris the confessor. My confession today is that I am not a good confessor. That may sound strange. I know. Hang with me here. Really, at the end of the day, what I'm talking about is more than just what I'm doing here on the radio and confessing here. It's just a way for us to enter into hopefully a little bit more honest, deeper, transparent conversation. But one of the things that I've really come to see in my own life, and this was really something that happened early on in my recovery process. When I was recovering from my own addictions and even to this day, one of the key aspects of healing and growth is being able to talk about what's really going on inside of me, inside of my own internal world, and also what's going on with my behavior and what's going on with my life. It's exposing myself to another person. Because of my addictions, because of shame, because of embarrassment, and because of the deep-seated fear that if I were to be known, I would be rejected and judged, that other people would despise me as much as I despised myself. There were all these huge barriers to it. I think that exists for all of us today. Often, we don't really have a whole lot of environments to do that in. Often, we don't know how to do it or even how to start it, but I think the biggest barrier is just the barrier of fear. Confessing is really difficult. It's challenging. But we see, for instance, in 1 John, if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. We also see over in James that if we confess our sins to one another, we will be healed. What I'm talking about today is that beyond general confession about like, "Hey, I'm good, I'm fine," or "I'm struggling," or "Things are difficult in my life," the more specific we can get with another person in what we're dealing with, the more specific we'll experience that forgiveness, that purification, and that healing that happens. Confession does a lot of things. To stay with the C word, the first thing that confession does—I'll go with three words—is it cleanses us. If we think about it as taking out the trash, there's a lot of junk that can build up inside of us. When it stays inside of us, it definitely contaminates our internal world. Confession is a way that gets rid of the contaminants. It cleanses us. The other thing that confession does is it clarifies us. It gives us so much more clarity in the experience of ourselves, others, the world, and our life. The last thing it does is it connects us. Confession connects us to God, others, healing, and progress. I want us to really understand that confession is a gift, not a hard task. It can feel hard at first, but if we confess with safe people and discover safe people in our life, there are so many gifts from it. I just encourage people to enter, and encourage myself to enter, more readily into confession and get specific.
Brian Perez: We can help you. We are a safe place for you to call: 1-800-229-3000. We'll be right back on New Life Live.
Announcer: To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live.
Brian Perez: Brian here, and I'd like to encourage you to download the New Life Ministries app to your phone or tablet. If you're thinking, "Do I really need another app on my phone?" Yes. You've probably got apps on your phone that you don't need, so get rid of those and download the New Life app because you will find powerful, faith-based resources at your fingertips. From live broadcasts and archived podcasts to daily devotions, articles, and so much more, you'll find expert guidance for whatever you are facing, just like on New Life Live. Download the app today and call us at 1-800-229-3000. We've got Dr. Jill Hubbard and Chris Williams here today to guide you through whatever you're going through. Chris, you were talking about confessing your confessions at the start of the show. If anybody missed it, they can check out the archives. You were talking about being very detailed. Somebody might be thinking, "How detailed do I have to be?" It's going to be hard enough to even say the headline of what I'm going through. If my friend starts asking, "Oh really? Like what? Like when?" that's too much.
Chris Williams: Let me start with a hard truth to begin with. In my consulting work with organizations and companies, I often say it like this: if you want to get the results that you need, you need to get down to the specificity of the problem that's creating them. You can't move if you identify the wrong problem; you will always identify the wrong solution. Being able to understand that goes back to that clarity part. From a spiritual point of view in life with Christ, the way I describe it for myself is that before I got into 12-step recovery, I was a general sinner who generally sinned, and therefore I got a general Savior with general salvation and general forgiveness. But when I got into recovery and started to have the work these steps and the details of them—and they were terrifying—like many people, I got stuck on my fourth step for months. But when I got into the specificity of it and I identified my specific sins, and then I got specific in my confession, I got specific forgiveness. I got a very specific Savior and very specific salvation. That was a different experience. That moved in my life, that grace experienced in my life in that place moved me forward in a way that nothing that general confession and general grace could possibly offer. So, if I back this up, what I had to do was learn how to be honest or learn how to be transparent. In my addiction, I became so accustomed and adapted to deceiving and hiding as a way of life that it just took a long time for me to be able to practice and even—this sounds strange—develop the skill of specificity.
Dr. Jill Hubbard: Can I interject? I call it coming out of vagueness. Staying vague keeps us anxious and spinning. It's really true. Because we're afraid, we stay kind of vague because we really don't want to look at it, as we fear that it's more terrible than we imagined. Getting specific means you have to slow down and you have to think. You have to enter into it. A lot of people just want to stay one step ahead of what they fear the most.
Chris Williams: Really, that's why I address shame so much. Shame is the thing that blocks us because we're so afraid that people are going to despise me as much as I despise myself and judge me as much as I judge myself. That's why when we confess and we don't get the judgment and the shame from other people, when we get in safe relationships where that happens, that's where clarity comes. It moves the fog of vagueness away and into the sunlight of reality.
Brian Perez: If you're generally an avoider, you're going to want to be vague. Speaking of alliteration, I had to look it up. I have the list here: the 12 steps of life recovery. I was wondering which one Chris got hung up on, not because I wanted to tease him about it, but it's "we made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves." Talk about this for people who aren't familiar with life recovery. Do you do the steps one at a time? You don't advance to number five until you're done with number four?
Chris Williams: There's a reason for that. A classic example is a lot of people will want to jump to eight and nine, which is really about making amends to other people because the relational stress and strain is so apparent and acute. But if they jump ahead without doing the internal work that requires one through seven to get there, it will not go well. I've just seen it over and over and over again where it's like, "Well, I need to make amends here." I'm like, "Hold on. You are not in a place, you are not a safe enough person where that can happen."
Dr. Jill Hubbard: The desire is good. The desire to want to repair is really good, but it's a process. You have to be really clear in and of yourself. You are putting some things down on paper and step four people get really hung up on. It's like, just start putting down some resentments and some regrets. Start with just three and start building on that. Resentments, regrets, and even looking at appreciations is a good thing. You're making an inventory of these things and it's usually easier to name our resentments because that's about what others have done to me. If we start there and then look at our part, it starts to flow and it's like, "Oh yeah, and I did that, and I did that." Or you name three people that are difficult for you and you start there, and then you start building on that list instead of this monumental task. You're talking about people avoiding it for months; people avoid it for years. They stay stopped there in their recovery, so they don't get to the place where they can really offer a true amend that's really heartfelt.
Chris Williams: If we think of the greatest commandment to love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and love others as yourself, I think that there is an earthly trinity that God is gifting us there: a strong relationship to God, a strong relationship to ourselves, and a strong relationship to other people. The steps work this way: steps one, two, and three are about restoring a relationship to God. Four, five, six, and seven are really about restoring a relationship with ourselves with God. Eight, nine, and 10 are really about restoring relationships to other people. 11 and 12 are putting it all together in life, in a spiritual life and in a life of service and taking it to others. If we're not in a position in the restoration of the self and God, then to try to make that amend with other people, there are just key ingredients missing. To get a little specific of why, I may be carrying a lot of character defects inside of myself that are sensitive. I may carry envy or a lot of shame. I go to make an amend and the other person doesn't receive it well. What's that going to do to me? We have to be very well prepared that the other person does not have to receive it well and we can be okay. We also have to have this real wisdom in there: we're not going to make an amend with another person where it may cause them harm. A lot of times we see this is that people will confess sins to unload their own guilt or shame, but it's harmful to the other person who's hearing it. There is a lot of work that needs to be done before we jump into that. That's why these things happen in progression.
Dr. Jill Hubbard: Absolutely. Life recovery is for everyone, not just addicts. I can't tell you how many random groups I've done with other therapists and things where we make up what the problem is and then we do the 12 steps around that. So it's really life recovery and utilizing this framework helps everyone. We all have things we can confess. We all have things that keep us stuck. We aren't God. We can't; He can.
Chris Williams: This is what going back to what you said, Brian. If we take the 12 steps and we go through it well, then we can use these principles that we learn in our lives in different situations. Even just step one, Jill. Like, I am powerless against the person who cut me off in traffic this morning. As a result, my internal world is unmanageable. My life is unmanageable. That's just an application of step one. It's a recognition that I am so disrupted inside of myself. I am outside of how God designed me and that person cutting me off created insanity inside of me. Therefore, step two: I need a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity. Now, my will and my care in that thing is I want to go cut them back off or ride their tail or whatever the case may be. It's not good the way my will is going to activate, the way I'm going to take care of myself or the other person is not good. Therefore, I'm going to make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand it and understand Him. I say that because a simple person cutting me off that can disrupt me so poorly, I can then turn and be like, "Whoa, this is too much. My reaction is not good. I need help." The steps allow me to get to step three fairly quickly. I'm out of my mind with what I want to do with this situation. God, what's your will here? God's reply: My will is for you and that person to get to work safely. So, allowing God to do what He can, surrendering my anger and frustration, and then how do I want to be cared for? You're safe, they're safe, let them go. As a person who struggled with a lot of road rage type of issues, it's amazing.
Dr. Jill Hubbard: I was amazed when I first went to Ohio when my daughter went to school there and never been to Ohio—so Becky, this one's for you—and I'm driving and I'm used to driving on California roads. People in Ohio pull over. If they see you coming up on them, they move over. What a novel concept! People in Ohio actually are very nice drivers. Consequently, there's probably less road rage there. It was shocking to me.
Brian Perez: If this conversation about life recovery is new to you, you can go to our website, newlife.com, to find out all about life recovery. We're coming up on our 10th anniversary. Can you believe that? That is amazing. If you'd like to get a copy of the tip sheet that's called "The 12 Steps of Life Recovery", reach out to us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. We'll also put this information in the show notes there so that you can call us and order this copy. It's free: "The 12 Steps of Life Recovery". Also, don't let this conversation hinder you from getting started because maybe your goal is to make amends with people—could be a former spouse or children. Maybe you're estranged from your kids or something, but you might be thinking, "Wait a minute, I have to go through one through seven first, and I might even get stuck at number four, so maybe is it worth it?"
Chris Williams: I would say this: is it worth it? Yes, because we are worth it. God desires our well-being. God is deeply invested in the condition of our souls, deeply invested in our flourishing. Being able to do this work, if we look at it as we're putting nutrients into the soil of our soul and we're extracting toxins, what then produces? A life of fruitfulness, a life of significance, a life that God has designed for us. I invite everyone into that life.
Brian Perez: Give us a call here at New Life Live today. We're going to be in the studio for the rest of this hour and all of next. It's your chance to speak with Chris Williams and Dr. Jill Hubbard about this topic or any topic. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call and we look forward to hearing from you on New Life Live.
Announcer: To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, visit newlife.com. Now back to New Life Live.
Brian Perez: For women who have been betrayed by their spouses, we have an intensive called "Restore: Healing After Betrayal". It helps women find hope and healing after being hurt by betrayal in their relationships. Thousands of lives have already been transformed through this workshop, and yours could be next. At the Restore Intensive, you'll find a community of women that understand what you're going through. You'll discover freedom from feelings of shame, anger, and self-doubt, and walk away from the weekend with a plan for healing that will change your life for the better. The Restore workshop is the weekend of November 13th in Washington, DC. You can get all the details at newlife.com or by calling us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. If finances are keeping you from attending, please let us know. We have need-based scholarships. Call us and we can figure all that out at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. To reach us here in the studio today, we're going to be here for two hours total. 1-800-229-3000 is our number. We've been talking about life recovery, but of course we can talk about anything. Call in, tell us what you're going through at 1-800-229-3000. I mentioned apologizing in the previous segment and you wanted to clarify.
Dr. Jill Hubbard: I just think we need to make a distinction because in talking about going through a process when we have a pattern of things that we really need to be honest about and dig into and make some lifestyle changes. But that shouldn't keep us from day to day apologizing when we need to apologize. Now, that's different than making a full amends to a person. But it should eventually become a lifestyle. If we had to go through this huge process before we ever apologized, then we're probably not going to be apologizing very often. There are little infractions that happen.