New Life LIVE: September 30, 2026

Brian Perez: Welcome to the New Life Live podcast. We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God's Word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let's go to today's episode. Hey everyone, welcome to New Life Live. I'm your host, Brian Perez, and we're going to be in the studio for two hours today. So grab an open line while there's still time. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call today, and we'd love to talk to you about whatever it is you might be going through, whether it's grief or anxiety or some kind of stressful situation in your marriage or with your family. Give us a call at 1-800-229-3000. We've got parenting expert Dr. Jim Burns here today. He's the founder of Homeword. We've also got doctor of marriage and family therapy Sherry Denham Keefe. Good to see you guys again. Sherry, what's on your mind to start us off?
Sherry Denham Keefe: I was just sharing with you two that the last time I was here, Jim and I had talked about aging parents. You had talked about aging parents and the challenge, and I had just gotten back with my mom who had gone to the hospital. But let me just start with this. I was talking about how it was held in my body. Well, I just want to let you all know, hopefully I can do this without crying, my mom passed away. She passed away the beginning of this month on September 2nd. Why am I sharing that? One is because I know we love you and I know you love us, and this is just a part of life. But I wanted to talk specifically about a moment. I had my younger sister call me while my mom was in ICU, and I was getting ready to go to the office to see a client. She called me to let me know they had to rush my mom to ICU. Every time my mom had to go into the hospital, I would call and say, "Mom, don't you go anywhere. I'm getting the first flight out and I will be there." My idea was that I wanted to be there with my mom when she passed. I wanted to hold her hand and tell her I loved her. When my sister called me, I was on the 5 Freeway. This time my sister said, "It's looking very different. Mom is going. She's not going to be here long." Debbie asked me if I wanted to talk with her. Now, I paused, which was really weird because she just told me it's not going to be long and she's going. I paused because in my mind, I had this idea of what it was supposed to look like when my mom went from here to heaven. I was going to be there, hold her hand, and be with her when she takes her last breath. That's the movie I had in my mind. What was happening, the real movie, was that I was stuck on the 5 Freeway. So I paused and then she said again, "Do you want to talk to her?" and I said, "Yeah." So she held her phone up to my mom's ear and, of course, I'm telling her I love her. But then I had a check in my spirit, and I think it was the Holy Spirit that just tethered me. I didn't tell my mom to wait. That time I told my mom, "It's okay. It's okay to go. You can go. You can be with Jesus, you can be with Dad, you can be with Randy. I love you." It's like I released her. Not that she needed to be released, but that's what I did. And so that was it. And then ten minutes later, my mom passed. She called me to let me know. So the moral of the story is it's not always what you think it is and it's not always the movie in your head. Sometimes loss happens and it's unexpected, and you have to recalibrate your GPS to match reality. The next thing that I wanted to share, and I'll do this really quickly, is my sister said my mom raised her eyebrow and smiled. Debbie didn't know what I said because all she could hear was the muffled sound on the phone. But she asked, "What did you tell her?" and I said, "You can go be with Jesus and Dad and Mom." And she said my mom lifted her eyebrow and smiled. That's everything I needed to know. What a gift from God. So I'm grieving, and that's a part of love, to grieve.
Brian Perez: Sherry, we're so sorry that you lost your mom. We'll be right back here on New Life Live. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life Live. 1-800-229-3000 is the number to call in today to speak with Dr. Sherry and Dr. Jim. One of the things we do here at New Life are the workshops. We have three of them that we do throughout the year: Restore, Healing after Betrayal; Every Man's Battle; and Intimacy in Marriage. These workshops have helped thousands of people find a path to freedom, healing, and transformed lives. In just one weekend, you'll see that a different way of living is possible. But your situation won't change until you take the first step. Maybe that step is just getting more information. You can do that right now at newlife.com or by calling 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Need-based scholarships are available, so don't let finances hold you back. We hear that so often from people, "I would go, but I can't afford it." Well, we can help you with that when you call us at 1-800-NEW-LIFE. We want you to take that step toward healing today. You can also call into the studio. We're going to be here for two hours at 1-800-229-3000. Let's begin our time on the phones with Miss Aurora, who is in Albuquerque. She listens to us on SiriusXM channel 131. Hello, Miss Aurora. How can we help you?
Miss Aurora: Hi. Thank you for taking my call. Brian is your name?
Brian Perez: Yes.
Miss Aurora: Hi, Brian. I have a concern. I have a friend that I've been friends with for almost two years. She knows I am very introverted, and she is a little bit different, but we still maintain our friendship. She knows I don't like people to bring in their personal devices into my home. I've never allowed that. And so she has been really good about respecting that, and I'm so grateful for that. However, she was over here a few days ago, and she was helping me do some work on my house, her and her son. Her son said he was going to leave and he was going to wait in the car for her. While he was over there, he came inside and said, "You've got a phone call," and she dashed out of the house and stopped what she was doing. Then they took off. I was very offended by that because I seldom see her, and I know she spends six days a week with her daughter. Then her daughter calls her and says, "I need you to do this, I need you to do that," whatever she was asking her to do. And she just took off with her son. I thought that was very rude.
Brian Perez: She just left without saying goodbye or anything?
Miss Aurora: Yes, she did. And she's never done that before. Maybe she has in the past, but I don't remember that so clearly. But this time, it really offended me. It was like a slap in the face for me because we had planned to do this. She was going to bring her son to help me rearrange my furniture. They had done most of the work, and the son said, "Well, if you don't need me, I'm going to be outside." Then she gets a call, and he picks up, and he comes running and says, "You've got a call," and she dropped everything and took off.
Jim Burns: Miss Aurora, do you know what the reason for her leaving was, or have you not connected with her since?
Miss Aurora: She sent me a text telling me that she was sorry, and that's all she said. She didn't say why. She knew that it had offended me.
Jim Burns: It might be appropriate for you to even ask. "I'm concerned about you. Was everything okay?" Because truly, it could have been an emergency. If it was, then you have to look the other way. But what you're talking about is—and I appreciate that it's your house, so it's your rules when it comes to the devices. I really appreciate that you can do what you want in your home. Obviously, you don't have control over what happens if you go out to coffee with them or at other places. But I would suggest, for example, I'm married to an introvert and I'm an extrovert, so I must drive my wife crazy. As you were talking about things, I thought, "Oh my goodness, I probably am your friend." Both Kathy and I have differences, and some of my best friends are different from me. I have a phrase that I use, and it's really helped me. It's a phrase that I use with my wife, with my kids, and at work: "Does it really matter?" Some things matter. In a relationship, abuse matters, addictions matter, adultery matters, things like that. But some things, what I've learned, is that some things just simply don't matter. Kathy takes a lot more time on things because she's an introvert. She will be at a party and she's having a conversation with one person. I've had a shallow conversation with everybody. Not saying I'm right, but then it frustrates me. And then I go, "Wait, does it really matter?" She's had a more effective conversation with just one. So I think a good personal growth issue for you would be to use that phrase. Because some things, like she left, that was rude. I get it. But it doesn't have to totally dampen the relationship. She honestly may have had something happen. Maybe there was an emergency, and maybe she just forgot to connect with you or whatever. And again, that was rude, but I wouldn't take the relationship down because she has a different way of doing life than you did, especially because she seems like she's a friend. That's a real personal growth for all of us to sometimes go, "Look, I'm just going to embrace the differences." And it's one illustration. Sounds like there's other times when you and her get together and she understands you and you understand her. That's cool. So I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it. And again, Sherry may have a better thought on it, but I know for me, I've had to learn to lighten up that everybody isn't like me. Some things that offend me personally, they didn't mean it as an offense. They just do it that way. I've got three daughters that I could easily say that with about all three of them. There you go.
Sherry Denham Keefe: Miss Aurora, I have a question for you. Did you grow up in a home as an introvert, right? As someone who feels deeply, thinks deeply, and doesn't often interject her voice. Did you grow up in a home where you felt you didn't feel heard? Your voice wasn't heard? Maybe your thoughts and feelings about issues weren't heard, even with the expectations, higher expectations in your home?
Miss Aurora: (Crying) Yes. My mom was a compulsive talker. She hardly ever listened to what I had to say. I'm so, so sorry. Just what a big wound. And I was abducted when I was 17 by a person I thought was my boyfriend. When I told him to stop, he didn't listen. He abducted me and took me away from my mom and my dad. I never remembered that until ten months ago when I started seeing a psychologist and all the trauma started to come out. So my heart is very wounded. I tell my friend, "I don't want other people from your family or your other friends to be calling you at my house or on my driveway or wherever. When we're out together, can you just turn down your phone so you can listen to me?" That's all I ask her.
Sherry Denham Keefe: My heart is breaking for you right now. It helps me understand your tears and your incredible grief. It helps me understand why devices are not okay in your home because they didn't turn them down to hear you. You desperately want to be heard. You desperately want to be seen, and you have been deeply, deeply traumatized. You've got so much heartbreak, dear. These are tears of grief, grief upon grief. I'm actually glad you're getting them out. I'm honored that you're getting them out with us, with Brian, with Jim, with me. Do you know that we are loving you and we are praying for you right now as you're grieving? This is deep, deep grief.
Miss Aurora: I am grieving the loss of my mom and my dad. I'm feeling that I may be an adult now, and I'm still feeling like that 17-year-old girl that was taken away from her mom and dad. My mom wasn't perfect. She talked too much, but she was my mom and I knew her. I didn't know his family. He was going to take me to go live with him and his family.
Sherry Denham Keefe: Of course you didn't know. You had no idea that you would be taken away that day. Guess what, dear one? Do you know what I wish? I wish I was sitting across from you in my office right now so I could just hold your heart while you continued to cry and let me care for it. Because you're so ready. You're so ready to do the work. You're so ready to do the deep healing. It's leaking out right now, and I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of you for talking about this trauma. As a therapist, I would love to help you heal. I know we have other therapists that are in your area. Would you do something for me and for us? Would you let us connect you with someone like myself that can meet with you to help you heal your heart? It's ready. It's so ready. Good, because we've got therapists and counselors all over the country. I just want to encourage you. Your heart's ready to heal.
Miss Aurora: That's what I'm looking for. I'm needing somebody that can understand, or maybe not even understand, just mourn with me, to help me move through. The Bible tells us we are to mourn with those that mourn and rejoice with those that rejoice. Everybody's ready to party and have fun and have you over when you're happy, but when you're sad, nobody is around.
Sherry Denham Keefe: And guess what? You and I are both grieving right now. Maybe that's why I was able to hear your loss so intently. But we're going to get you connected with one of our counselors. I am just so proud of you, Miss Aurora. I'm proud of your bravery. I'm proud that you know what you need and that you said yes to healing. That's why we're here at New Life.
Jim Burns: And Miss Aurora, I feel like I totally missed your input because my heart is grieving. I just want to say, do you know whose else's heart is grieving? Jesus. Jesus wept at the death of a friend. I think Jesus weeps and wept when you were abducted. So you have to understand that now he's coming alongside you and he's saying, "I will never leave you or forsake you." He can help and direct you to the kind of counselor that can show you love and understanding. So God bless you. You're a brave, courageous soul for calling.
Brian Perez: We're going to be praying for you, Miss Aurora, and everyone watching and listening is going to be praying for you as well. Stay on hold so we can get you connected. 1-800-229-3000. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, visit newlife.com. Now back to New Life Live. We get lots of calls here to New Life Live about parents struggling in some way with their adult children. There's a book that we recommend written by Dr. Jim Burns. It's called "Doing Life with Your Adult Children." Many of you have read the book, and now here's your chance to watch the movie. Okay, it's not really a movie, but it's a webinar. Dr. Jim Burns will be hosting this webinar in a couple of weeks. October 15th is the exact date, and you can sign up for this webinar. It's going to be online via Zoom. You can get all the details about it at newlife.com or by calling 1-800-NEW-LIFE or text the word "webinar" to 28950. We'll text you back a registration link as well as a free tip sheet on doing life with your adult children. But Dr. Jim, is this not just for people who are doing life with their adult children? I would recommend everybody to sign up for this webinar because even if you're doing okay with your adult children right now, maybe there's a friend of yours who you'll be able to give this advice to.
Jim Burns: I really agree with that. I think a lot of people need to prepare for their adult children, their teenagers becoming adult children. But I'm excited about this webinar because I'm going to talk about the principles of doing life with adult children. There are actually principles that we need to learn, and none of us are prepared. Kathy and I both said, "What happened now?" as our kids moved into the next phase. We were thinking, at least, about the baby stage and then the next stage and even the teen stage, but we didn't see the changes that were coming. I'm going to talk about that, how we as parents have to actually give over ownership of adulthood to those kids. We need to give them the passport to adulthood, if you would. But then I'm also going to move into the issues that so many parents of adult children have as they're going, "My kids are deconstructing in their faith. My kids are estranged from me right now." Not everybody, obviously, but a lot. And so we're going to talk about some of those very specific things that parents are struggling with in that relationship with an adult child.